single once again.

Well Rob is once again in Canada and has been for a week now. We, who are left behind, always have a bit of a tough go getting used to him being gone. This time was especially rough. I had a bit of a bump in my "lifes" road. Whenever, I have a tough spell, he has always been very supportive. This time when another life challenge occurred, he had been reading and working with a book which inspires higher insights, responding versus reacting and lots of meditation. I have to say it has really changed him and in turn also our relationship for the better and inspired me to work with this book and also created positive changes in me. (So, if you are looking for another helpful book, e-mail and I will send you the name.) I like the philosophy of the book especially of consciously responding rather than knee jerking and primally reacting. I have found greater peace of mind by giving myself time to think and feel what might be the best course of action and what might that cause as a rippling effect. It also helped me realize that I am only responcible for my actions and not the actions or reactions of others. I did find it a real challenge in taking responcibility for my past actions that were often my reactions to other peoples actions. I know that this is a mouthful but read that sentence again and ponder about it.
Needless to say, this book came to us from another wonderful couple who have blessed our lives. We have been very fortunate in our lives (my family and myself) to have wonderful inspiring people gracing themselves with their presence and kindness, quite regularly. I have, especially resently, had when I need, inspirational people to help guide me and give me direction. These people not only drop in when I need them but add to my life in ways I never thought possible. This couple (who gave the book to Rob) is like that for me. (I have to say "this couple" as I have not asked them for permission to use their names here and out of respect will only mention their names when I have.) The "she" of the couple, arrived into my life when I least expected it and didn't realize how much I needed her influence. She, like a fairy, inspires me gently, with kindness and a true unconditional loving and great nuturing (as well as her partner). Like a fairy, she is there when you need her and not when she is not. Her presence is light, reminding me to lighten up when I have this strong desire to root myself in thought. For me, I think that is important to have touches of influences because there are times when you become needy it is unhealthy. When I have felt needy, I have found that is the perfect
opportunity to get comfortable with independence and self confidence. At the times when I felt that I was left alone, (at first I was resentful of that and thought it was for a lack of that person loving me, thought it was rejection and who knows maybe it was but that is not really important right now ) was actually very important to teach me to let go and let my growing take place and not to blame. Blame is distraction for me from growing. Dependence on other people can be toxic sometimes and can create addiction of dependent /codependent relation ships,....... I think as well....... who knows. Pop psychology lives in me.
I kind of go back to the if you set if free and it comes back it was yours, idea. I am finding letting go, although very hard to do, is a huge loving act. It is trusting that the people, you love, will be ok and the universe will take care of them no matter what their destiny is. They might need the space to grow and continue on with their lifes journey and it might not best be done in your shadow. I think that my past neediness and resentments had created shadows for people that actually would have come back all on their own if they had been given the space, love and trust that I was not able to, due to my own relationship addictions and percieved idealisms of relationships. I had a very hard lesson in learning worrying about someone doesn't neccessarily show them that you love them, it could easily be misconstrued as distrust for them. It is a huge concept and one that can easily be argued to death much like the chicken and the egg debate. But as I get older and my teenagers become adults, I am starting to find strength in it more and more. I have worked very hard to raise responcible, happy, loving and open adults and don't regret alot about it. But of course, no matter what you do with raising children, we all make mistakes, will have to be open and honest about those mistakes, and willing to talk about them and allow even anger and other healthy emotions happen for a while so that they can take responcibilities for their own lives and do better that we did in carrying on with their universal path. I love that scene in "my Big Fat Greek Wedding" when the mother tells her daughter that, she gave her daughter life so that she could live. I choke up every time and try to find inspiration and hold that thought when my children are doing their thing and it doesn't and shouldn't include me.
Anyway I digress once again........ back to being fortunate in having marvelous inspiring people coming into my life and showing me and sharing with me other experiences and love. I have been soooooo blessed every time. And once again, very resently, and as always "bumbled" into another amazing person. A former US activist, spiritualist and inspiring human was walking down the streets in Quito only to "accidentally" come into our lives. She came to us for a visit with her brazilian puppy in Banos and spent an amazing and enlightening weekend. I love it when people share and seem of likemindedness that comfirms my own beleifs and principles. It sooths my soul when I find that "sameness" as I have felt so "different" all my life. (I think that one day I will have to write a book and share even more of these thoughts and discoveries that in this blog might be misunderstood, for example spiritual awakenings and knowings. ) Anyway, everytime I "happen"(there are never really accidents in this life) to run into one of these enlightened souls, a little more sadness leaves my heart, and helps it to glow and carry on in my journey. I have had even more of these "run ins" more and more in acceleration over the years. It really started picking up speed while we were still living in the Okanagan. Now these people (who feel like family) are "happening" into our lives more often. These people may be there only for a short time, regular visits or permanent influences in our life, but I am finding they are there when they are supposed to be there and not when they are not. The letting go of these wonderful friends/inspirations to do whatever they must do and whether it is to be in my life for whatever length of time, be it short or long and accepting the meeting of the souls with no expectations is very freeing for me, as it frees me to do what I must do to. We all have our paths and they converge and diverge as required. Acceptance of the fluidity of life and its relationships liberates us to share our experiences with others and comeback together , when the time is perfect, and share more growing. Isn't that what life is about......... growing.......learning...... experiencing....... and loving.
Remember these wise words a "fairy" once told me: "don't beleive everything you think".
Love with an open heart
Robin