Life, the universe and a volcano

Hi All,
******I promise to you that today I will amble about with my thoughts, memories and words, be forewarned.*******
Here we are again talking about the volcano. She is regularly spewing out smoke and ash and she rumbles a bit. I have to say this is when I understand that the Earth is a living entity. If you watch the volcano you can get the feel of the Earth breathing, more so exhaling, but breathing all the same. Life is still good here and I am enjoying the "moments". Everywhere you go in the world, there are people ready to make friends with you and in fact, many become family. Family is not only blood but those who you choose to be apart of your life. I love that flexibility of moving through life, you go where you are supposed to be and stay as long as you are meant to, and form relationships with those who you are meant to for whatever lenth of time that is. Moving here and leaving everything behind was a good exercise for me in letting go of material things. We still have things now, as we had to buy things to live comfortably. But we are not having lots of things after all the volcano might like to visit with those things too and would consider sharing more of taking and destroying as more of an option. I find that I am wanting to buy things but now for other people so that they can have more things. I guess that I am still being "co-dependant" or whatever the politically correct word is for supplying fire to someone elses issues. I have a friend/sister of the heart, who is practicing Buddahism. She has been sharing with me some philosophies of buddism to help me navigate through life. It is a real letting go type of thought, I really enjoy hearing about life from that perspective. I think that the hardest thing to learn and practice in your life is this: Letting other people live their life to do what they need to do, ........and do it with compassion. Like watching the kids make the odd mistake and allowing them to do it knowing the consequences and loving them regardless. Yikes. It is also having conflict with someone and allowing for their own truth, to live with your truth. Get on that one. It is hard work to let others go and to do their own destiny but allow the same respect for your own journey. I am glad that I have the support I need, to help to let go. I was told the other day that a dear friend of mine, from Canada, didn't always agree with me and my ideas of how to live my life,......... but she loves me dispite that and supports me in my journey and wishes the best for me knowing "God" is with me. Wow, that was a tough one, both to give and receive. I thanked her for love and support and thanked her also for not agreeing with me, I value her opinion.
Here is a little poem I received the other day, when someone was thinking of me. I think I will make it my theme for me and my family. Many people love us because that is how we are, and because we don't fit in it is easier for the other square pegs to hang out with us because we are definitely the squarest pegs of all, in honesty, we celebrate that we don't fit in!

Here's to the crazy ones;

The misfits, the rebels, the trouble makers.

The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently.

They are not fond of rules.

And they do not respect the status quo.

You can praise them, disagree with them or quote them.

disbeleive them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can't do is ignore them.

Because they change things.

They invent.They imagine.

They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.

They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see art?

Or sit in silence and hear a song that has never been written?

Or gaze at a planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world,

are the ones who do.

Jack Kerouac

Rob, the kids and I, when we lived in Canada, had quite the crazy house. We were told after a solid year of medical and psychological testing for the kids (to help with school), that we were all ADD with other potentially issues as well, and that was that. Tough verdict, especially when you see your children, your family, as perfect angels born to you from the perfection of the universe and others only see them as wrong. We were wrong, we were not okay. The one doctor's answer to us, after the question came about to medicate or not to be able to go to school, and "fit in" was: "It is only a problem when it is a problem." It dawned on us all, that we were all living in an ADD house and it was natural for all of us to live that way therefore how could it be a problem? We were also at the point of designing, redecorating and trying to change our house to be "Like everybody else's", and that was unnatural, uncomforatble for us. It was like putting on new wool itchy socks, you are never quite comfortable. So we let our ADD take over and changed the house to be how it would be natural for us, and we were all happy. We had accepted ourselves. And that was OK. We had many visitors to our house and some people hated it, some loved it, some people treated it like a side show at a circus to show to their unbeleiving friends, some said that they loved it but could never live like that, and some said we were courageous. We were just happy. Hmmmm. We still think about that time, as a time of adjusting to what we needed to go through. Do you know that I even had one person say that it was obvious I was proud to be different and that I should better to be ashamed. Hmmm. That one made me think. I realized with the help of my buddhist friend to know that that person was actually afraid to be who they were and it was uncomfortable to be reminded of that fact,and it would be my job to give them more compassion. Interesting hey? I thank them for that experience, and I learned a little more.

So here I continue "see a blank canvas and see art." and that is good for my soul.
I have been living in South America for almost 2 years now, and I feel "normal". I feel in rhythm

with myself, I feel good. The kids want to go back to Canada to go to summer camp (Dane volunteering as camp helper, and Rachelle would like to work there at that same camp) and of course feeling normal and good here, I am not to crazy to go back and "feel out of sync" again. It will only be for 3 months, as long as our visa allows. I will try and find balance again in Canada. I will try and take that time to do some things that I wanted to do before I left and also find things there that we don't have here (could be expensive). I would also like to paint while I am there, and also explore BC, as "never before" as I often didn't have the money or time to do that. I love the landscapes and the animals of Canada, and also her laws there that protect both, so I will take the time to enjoy that. If all goes as planned I will have time to be alone, something that I don't get often but crave. I think that that will be a good time to be a bit selfish, spending time with myself. Being nice to myself, by giving me some space. However like many retired people say to me, there is simply not enough time in the day to get everything you want to get done when you retire, I can imagine that I will feel the same. Not that I am retired but my battery is a bit low from home schooling and this will be a good time to take advantage of the alone (all one) time. Hopefully, Rob will be working alot (for money sake and if not we might have time for "us") and I will be able to visit him wherever he is working. It will be a good time for us, I hope too. That is yet but 4 months away and there is alot of time yet, here. I still have to get to Tena and also the Nariz de Diablo ("Devils Nose) train" in Riobamba, and also visit the refugio on the Napo river,...... sounds like fun eh?

Well that is today's ramble, sorry if it was hard to swallow and sorry if you were one of the people who visited our house and had a hard time, and sorry if you were one of the people who made me think and stretch to learn and grow and caused an uncomfortable growth yourself either by experiencing something because of "us", or whatever. Wait...... no I am not, I thank you all for the experiences that you helped me go through, as because I am still learning I am still living and doing what I am supposed to do.

Be compassionate with each other

Robin (rawbin)