update on life here

Hi All
Well the days are great and the people are wonderful.
I finally kept up my courage and walked one of the trails that I can see everyday from my bedroom window. Even from this view it looks steep. And in reality it is. With my family, I put on my sunglasses (blinders) and cranked up the Ipod, and up we went. I have certain favorites, like we all do when it comes to music and I plugged in. We were climbing the steepest part first, I felt if I just got over the steepest part then I could do the rest. Soooo, I focussed on the music and only looked 4 feet in front of me(Famous words from the Secret), and took one step at a time, Focus 4 feet and music, I also used the mantra, "I let my choices choose my path and I will enjoy the choices I make." Rather than say, "I will not let my fears dictate my choices." You know, stay on the positive side on the thoughts. Little did I know that in one of those mantra moments when looking 4 feet in front meant looking straight down, I realized that Billy Idol was playing, "Catch my fall, if I should tumble". I had to laugh and really listen to the words to get further inspiration. Nothing in life happens without reason. Needless to say, I found the humor that nature in her infinite wisdom knew I could make things all better with, and I joyously made the walk without problems.
So now the next, hurdle is the climb to the "Virgin". This is a stair climber, folks, with cement stairs that are very wide, however, on either side of the stairs are steep drops. You get a real, and I mean real, birds eye view of all that is below, an almost 360 degree view, I might add for further discription. I have made it when there was major cloud cover, rain and virtually no visibility, but that is only one step to getting there. I thought that the reward would be seeing a wonderful looking sculpture of the virgin Mary and baby Jesus. But I have to say that she is not that great looking to the point that I could understand why she is still a virgin, but the wonder is in that these very harty people climbing up this steep cliff with bags of rock and cement and creating benches and stopping areas and sculptures meant for reflecting on all Jesus's sufferings and reflecting on the joy of life and God. And here I am whining like a spoiled child about my earthly fear of heights. I am spiritual, though I am not guided by a religion, but even I can value these builders in their desire to create a task/monument to create inspiration. I think that for this next walk to be successful ,I will have to do the same process that I did with the other climb. Focus on what is important and live in that moment.
I think living here is making me address some basic fears that I have had in life that has certainly dictated how I have lived. I do not enjoy letting my fears tell me how to live so here is an opportunity to change some of my thinking and create change. Some of them are: Heights, Beleive me I have worked on this one with furvor and plain desire: I have climbed, repelled, and was a private pilot, etc. And I will create joy when I hurdle this challenge. Next, fear of self reliance. Rob is leaving for Canada and I will be here with 2 kids and still organizing the workers and getting residency for Ecuador. I can do this I just need to breath and relax. I will also be painting and creating more work, because beleive it or not my other fear is a blank canvas, when I finally create a peice of art that I like, I surprise myself in that I can't believe that it was me who painted that. Soooooo, all that said and done, and I have confessed my frailties, it is now time to get cracking and get to work on it. It is in the process that I become who I want to be, it has been in the struggles that I find out what I am capable of and it is in the moments of reflection that I can start to like who I am becoming and try to plan on my next evolutions to help me become all that I can be. And if all else fails, I will have a capicino and a peice of chocolate cake to make me feel better, and call my girlfriend and talk to her about it, or cry over a sad movie.
Talk with you all later, enjoy your personal growth and adventures for they are an opportunity to see and experience the world in a whole different and wonderful way.
Robin