travelling in Canada

Hi All
Yikes, travelling in Canada costs a fortune. Much has roamed my mind during the periods of travelling. We took a couple of days to get to my mom and dad's house in Edmonton. We decided to see Canada and really look at the beauty that is Canada. We always would rush through and rush to Edmonton but we would never enjoy the journey. This time we did. We camped in all the free spots by rivers and ate picnic style. They, the Edmonton people, were complaining how hot it was in Edmonton. I have to say what are they complaining about? Here in the Okanagan it is anywhere from 30 to 40 degrees. Now that is something to complain about. As soon as you hit Golden you feel the heat change.
I have come full circle as I am now in Enderby again, at the campground, enjoying a Latte by the slow winding river. Last night to combat the heat, we swam around and enjoyed how warm and refreshing the water is. I appreciate where I came from but I honestly have to say I don't really feel connected here anymore. I do feel like a tourist. Just a tourist who knows her way around more.
I am working on a new computer as the net book had a tragic ending. The Dell that Dane passed to me, from his schooling, is on its last legs and really shouldn't be moved anymore. So I have a new little one, complete with bag, that my mom gave me.
What have I learned on this trip so far...... Hmmmm well for one thing how expensive Canada is, and that I don't know how people are surviving here. I also love how Canada is protecting her animals. I have seen: sea otter, seal, bald eagle, bear, raccoon, mountain goat, deer, mountain jay, squirrel, chipmunk, and they were all free and wild and roaming. I am sad that the police in Quito have my camera, I think that I would have had amazing pictures. (It is still pending as to what will happen there.)
I did discover one thing, and that is how I handle conflict. First of all, not well. I will avoid conflict at all costs. When I feel attacked, I retreat and shy away from the attacker. Next, I blame myself and search for answers like what was my role in it, what will I learn, how could I say such a thing, did I deserve that... etc way big on the self blame. This is very dysfunctional , I know. Even after all the work that I have done on myself, all the workshops, books, tapes, I have taken the self blame over the top. Blame is truly a nasty work....., I am working on it. But today this is how I role.... Then I replay the conflict over and over and over and over. I still replay when I was about 5 and I took/stole and eraser (about 5 cents) because I loved the color and my dad caught me. I still remember everything that was said, the color of the eraser, the feeling that I felt with disappointing my dad, how it made him feel and how it formed me and that I still never steal. So you can imagine the kind of rumination and mastication that I do about conflict and I am now 46. And since I am not perfect that's a lot of thinking. I have an almost eidetic memory for certain things firstly pictures and animal biology, secondly conflict. I would love to be one of those people who just can let it go and forget about it, but that is not me. Especially if I hurt someone else, that person never has to remind me of the pain that I inflicted, once I know about it, but that also works inversely for me, I never forget the pain they inflicted to me either. Next I try and not do anything for a while so that I don't re-act . I would rather respond, thoughtfully and with grace and hopefully kindness. Sometimes that can take alot if time depending on the depth of the pain. So people never hear from me again, as I do not trust myself to respond that way, sometimes a day or so. Some people see this as avoidance, I see it as choosing to solve things when the time is right. If there is opportunity and the other person is open to calmly and lovingly solve the problem I will do so, otherwise I will do no such thing and not participate in uncontrolled unleashed and unloving behavior. So there is how I deal with things....... I am sure that there are psychologists who feel that is not the way to do it and that I should book an appointment and it is not necessarily the Buddhist way but it is my way. So there you go, that is what I learned on my Canadian trip so far. The cool waters of Enderby are just fine.
Be kind to each other and try to enjoy life's ride.